Here we go…

1. Bud Light

“Bud Light is brewed with two and six row malt and cereal grains for a clean and crisp, smooth taste.”

2. Budweiser

“Q: Does the taste of beer improve over time, similar to that of wine?

A: No, beer is a food product: the fresher the better. Budweiser is guaranteed to be fresh for 110 days after the ‘Born On’ date printed on the bottle label or bottom of the can.”

3. Miller Lite

“Miller Lite is brewed with the choicest hops and malted barley.”

“It’s spelled ‘lite’ because ‘gh’ is too heavy.”

4. Coors Light

“On average, Coors ages it’s products longer than the other major U.S. brewers. It’s this aging process that delivers the smooth taste and drinkability you’ve come to expect from Coors.”

5. Corona Extra

“Corona Extra is made with all natural ingredients, water, barley, hops and yeast.”

6. Natural Light

“Put a Natural Light keg in a place of honor. Like the center of the party. It not only shows you have good taste, your friends will also see that you have respect for the finer things in life.”

7. Heineken

“Lager is a generic name for all sorts of light-colored beers.”

8. Michelob Ultra Light

“Beers like Michelob Light or Michelob Ultra pair best with appetizers, salads, fruits, and spicy foods.”

9. Busch Light

No quotes about Busch Light found on the Busch website.

10. Miller High Life

“But the truth is, there are other beers out there that are just as good as Miller High Life”

I hope each of you took the the opportunity to visit the wonderful websites each of these companies have designed for you to learn more about their product.

Instead, you probably learned more about the “image” these companies try to convey by drinking their product.

I, personally, feel that as someone who has half a brain, that it takes a little more than just sports and chicks and music to sell me a product and an image (especially the Michelob Ultra site - you’d think that you’d drink one after wining the decathlon at the Olympics!).

Unfortunately, I’m not the rest of the country, and it appears that these old and tired marketing tactics still work on the mindless masses surrounding me. I mean, listen to some of these quotes. You have to be brainwashed to believe that beer spoils quickly or that it must be served “rocky mountain” cold or whatever to be enjoyed. It’s f’ng blasphemy kids. The only reason you enjoy it is it’s because it’s all you’ve ever had to drink and because it gets you drunk.

No wonder the entire world hates us. Aside from being fat and lazy, we can’t even try to show some sophistication when it comes to our alcoholic beverages. We’d just rather get drunk for as cheap and brainless as possible. Why not get off your uneducated asses and buy some of the top rated beer instead?

Open up your eyes and quit letting these moguls deprive you of a wonderful beer experience. Get out there and taste the beers of the world; you’ll never know if you like them unless you try one.